she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
