Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize