Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
