if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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