I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dicks are not precious.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
