Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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