Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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