Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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