i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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