90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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