i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
