My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
