My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
