strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
