I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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