I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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