Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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