I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it hurts more in the daytime
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
