It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
