tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
