I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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