Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
