It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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