I wish my penis had an off switch
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
