Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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