3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
