Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
