I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
