Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
