Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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