Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
