spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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