Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's Friday. Sex?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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