i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
whose ass print is on the piano?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize