with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize