omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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