I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize