you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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