Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
