How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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