you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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