its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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