Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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