I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
