worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
