well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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