I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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