Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
