Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
