apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
