Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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