My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
