There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
