How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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