wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
