Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
