I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize