Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
