Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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