Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
