she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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