Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
