new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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