i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
